It is really hard when you start losing friends who have been a large part of your life. They hold a part of your heart, you’ve created countless memories, and you have so much love for that you may not appreciate when you’re younger.

In the last 2 years, I’ve lost 2 friends who have held a piece of my heart in that way. I’ve lost them in very different ways. The 1st was diagnosed with gastric cancer, and she declined fairly rapidly. Looking back over the years, there are so many wonderful memories that we created together.

The last time that I actually saw Nicola was at my wedding in 2018. When she found out we were fostering and adopting 2 kids, she and her 2 beautiful little girls made a box full of toys and books with Kimber and River’s name on it.

Nicola loved birds. I remember finding a birds nest on my front door wreath and was so excited. I did everything I thought I should do and sent pictures to Nicola and asked 100 questions. She said, “You’re doing everything you’re NOT supposed to do!” I wish this would have been a phone conversation because I would have heard her giggle while she was scolding me.

When my granddaughter was born prematurely at 29 weeks, Nicola would check in religiously to see how she was doing. This coincided with my oldest daughter having brain surgery. We chatted some to keep both of our minds busy. She would say, “Grow, Silvie, Grow!”

Our last conversation was about her cancer, and she said, “I love you, Shelly!” I told her I loved her too.” I didn’t know that would be our last conversation. I sent a picture of me getting to hold Silvie when she finally came home. It looked like she read it, but didn’t reply. I know now she was probably too weak to reply or maybe someone else was checking for her. I’m glad we ended our last earthly conversation with “I Love You!”

Last week, I lost another dear friend to the struggles of mental health. We also go back to middle school and high school days. We had so much fun. We went to concerts. We had sleepovers. We may have snuck out a time or 2 or more. We could cause some trouble, but one thing is certain…if you were with Sheena, you were having a great time.

Sheena had such a sarcastic and quick wit about her. She was an artist and a photographer. I have had so many people message me and say, “I thought she was so cool. I wanted to be just like her.” She was so unique.

She was the most liberal person you would ever meet. She made Bernie Sanders look like Ronald Reagan. She would debate anyone about anything. At any time. It didn’t have to be politics. It could be about why the tree was planted in the park. She didn’t care. She was passionate and had an opinion on everything, and she didn’t care to share it.

She loved Jack White and music in general. She loved Jack White, did I say that? I’m not sure how many times she saw him in concert, but it was a lot.

Sheena loved animals. I remember one dog in particular that she had, I can’t remember the name, heck… it may have been Jack or maybe Hal??? He used to get loose and take off. She had a GPS on him. She would post his adventures on Facebook. I kid you not, it looked like that dog went to the Chinese restaurant every time he snuck out. I asked her about it one time and she said there was something else over there that he went to, but I swear it looked like he wanted some egg rolls from the map according to GPS.

The last time I saw Sheena had been several years ago. My cousin and I were in Knoxville to see a show, so I messaged her to see what she was doing. She was working. We found out where and reserved a spot in her area. I don’t think we had seen each other since high school, but we kept in touch on FB.

I messaged Sheena a 1.5 weeks ago just to let her know I could tell she was going through some hard times and was there to listen if she needed to talk. She read it but never responded. April 26, 2022, depression is what took Sheena, – Ms Sunshine, vibrant, full of personality, March to the beat of her own drum, beautiful ray of light to all who knew her – depression took her from this world. My friend Yvette said it best, “we are loved so much more than we ever think we are.”

Looking back on my last messages with Sheena, coincidentally, was about the passing of Nicola. Her last message to me was, “I love you, sweet lady…” And mine to her was, “I love you, too!”

You NEVER know when you’re going to see someone for the last time. You NEVER know when you’re going to call someone for the last time. You NEVER know when you’re going to message someone for the last time.

Life is too short for anything but love. Hug your friends tight and tell them you love them! ❤️💔❤️

Please, please, please if you are ever contemplating suicide or needing to talk, there is a suicide hotline and a number you can text someone to talk to. You can text: 988 or call: 988.