Sometimes, I make a New Year resolution, and sometimes I don’t. I think it really depends on how my outlook is as I end the year. As 2024 came to a close last night, I was just glad to see it go. I really didn’t even want to think about much else besides just being thankful that it was in the past.

It started Dec 1, 2023, when I went into the hospital for a simple outpatient procedure to have a port a cath placed for my IVIG infusions. This would be great for me because I had to have infusions at that time, every 4 weeks. It would sometimes take 4 or 5 tries to get an IV.  I woke up and felt a little shortness of breath with a little pain. I was supposed to keep my granddaughter later that day, and I just wanted to get home. I asked for a shot of Toradol, but the nurse said that would mean i would need to stay 30 mins longer. I declined and said I would go home, rest, and be fine.

I got home, and the pain intensified, and I took a breath in, and a sharp pain hit. I called the surgery center, and they directed me to the ER. I still said I was fine. Then it hit again, and i loaded up and went. I was seen very promptly and had a chest x-ray, which revealed I had a pneumothorax.  This put everyone into motion extremely fast. Next thing I know, I have a chest tube and a 7 day admission to the hospital in my future.

December 2, 2023, day 2 of that mess is my youngest daughter’s 9th birthday. I’m stuck in the hospital. My sister calls in a panic. She says our mom is in the bathroom with the door locked and is unresponsive. She was able to get the door broken down, EMS arrived and did CPR, but she was gone. She was gone before she ever hit the floor. Cause of death was cardiac related issues. 

I didn’t get to see her as we had her  cremated per her wishes, so it feels like I have no closure with that at all. Sudden death. No viewing.  I was in the hospital for 7 days. We waited for her memorial until I was out of the hospital.

My sister and I are the only siblings, and between us, we have 7 kids and now 3 grandkids with 1 more on the way. We wanted her service to be more like storytelling, and we all took turns saying what she meant to us and telling stories about things we remembered or what she taught us. I even had one of my best friends who spoke at her service. The music wasn’t sad. We really tried to make it like mom.  Happy and fun-loving.

Well, her service ended up being a COVID super spreader event, and at least 54 people got COVID, 1 had RSV, and I’m not sure what else. My 89 year old grandmother ended up with COVID as well, and her body was unable to fight it off. She passed away 19 days after Moma did. We lost her December 21.

In between the 2 deaths, everyone in our family ended up with COVID, and some had the flu as well. I was trying to make sure I didn’t end up back in the hospital after my lung had collapsed, so I had to be extra cautious with having COVID.

We had a graveside service for my grandmother on Dec 23, and it was more traditional like she would have wanted. It was so hard going from 5 generations to 3 generations in 19 days. We were numb.  Then here it is, Christmas, and we have these little kids. You just put on a happy face and go on? I was on autopilot. I can’t tell you much about the next 4 months.

I know the day after Christmas, I and the 2 little kids had a trip to Arizona and planned to visit my niece,her husband, and baby at the air force base. We kept the plan and thought the change of scenery would be good.

When I got home depression set in so badly. I remember I would wake up crying, I would go to sleep crying, I would be eating and crying. I would cry in the shower, and I would cry while I was driving. All the time. 4 solid months, I think I cried. Mostly when i was alone, and I tried to stay alone for the most part. I remember one day I had an appointment, and my husband came upstairs, and i was still in bed. Crying, of course. He scooped me up.  He gently put my feet on the floor. He helped me stand up.  I don’t know how I would have made it without this man beside me. He has my back in everything I do.

Then, panic attacks started. I had never had one before. I remember being at a concert and seeing the musical instrument cases on stage, and it was like they morphed into caskets. I knew in reality it was not a casket. In that moment, I was paralyzed with anxiety and felt like I couldn’t breathe or talk. My husband was right beside me. I couldn’t even tell him what was happening. I had been a mental health RN for 12 years. I KNEW what to do, but I couldn’t do it.

At that point, I knew it was time to get a psychiatrist on board. I had 3 panic attacks in total. That’s plenty. I hope I never have another. I hope if you’re reading this that you never experience it, either. I started on a medication that got me “reset” and I started feeling better within a few weeks.

I got COVID again in Feb or March and then within 2 weeks got RSV. That’s when my IVIG infusions changed from every 4 weeks to every 2 weeks. With that round of Covid, I had 2 new antibodies show up on my ANA, which is potentially ew autoimmune disorders to add to my list of 10 since having Covid for the 1st time in Dec 2021.

I stopped working in Nov 2023 because I felt horrible, and there were so many Dr visits. It was just getting too much to keep up with. I filed for disability and was approved on the 1st try without a lawyer. That speaks for itself. That was approved in May.

I lost one of my dear friends that talked to me all the time during this time. When we talked, nothing was off limits. There was no judgment.  I miss our nightly chats so much.  😢

I had some good, decent months.  Started on methotrexate for lupus/sjogrens.  I was feeling better and doing pretty well. I still had a lot of fatigue and brain fog, but I felt like getting out of bed and doing things.

In Aug, we planned a little trip to a resort and the very 1st day we are there, I’m walking down to the lake with the kids and miss a small step and end up breaking 7 bones in my foot. My foot pretty much bent in half. 8/31.

9/27 I had a fusion to repair the damage. Non weight bearing for up to 3-4 months. 🙄😬🙄😬

9/28 My uncle died. My dad’s youngest brother, the kindest man who would give a stranger the shirt off his back. Another unexpected death.

I’m using a wheelchair, knee scooter, or crutches, depending on the situation. The crutches messed up my shoulders and hip due to my connective tissue disease, and the best route was usually the wheelchair,  but it pretty much reversed the benefit of the lumbar ablation earlier in the year. I am OVER IT ALL at this point. Plus, my bed is in the living room as a makeshift recovery room, so I wouldn’t have to use the stairs.

After surgery, I ended up with mono. I felt terrible for weeks. My immune system took a nosedive.

This brings me into the fall season, and I’m getting some strength back. We get through Thanksgiving , and the next day, I was hit with the stomach bug. It was awful. Quick diet plan. I think I lost 5 lbs in 3 days.

Then, I’m smacked with a round of vertigo that was so bad I would get motion sickness if I turned my head, looked down, or went from one room to the next.  I had to take a trash can everywhere. I lasted  almost a week. We had a trip to Nashville planned. I loaded up on meclizine and made it. Laid in bed the 1st 2 days, but rallied enough to go to the Kacey Musgraves concert the last night.

Came home and got my Christmas shopping done online. I had been having chest pain for about 8 weeks and finally told my Dr about it. EKG was abnormal and showed probable lateral infarct, which means i may or may not have had a heart attack. Had more testing scheduled, cardiology consult, 14 day heart monitor.

Time for Christmas, but guess what?? I get sick again. This time I had the Flu A. It was awful. 0 of 10 recommend it. Would take almost anything I’ve had before I had that again. Even mono.

Ivig infusion time rolls around, which means more labs. I’m being monitored for multiple myeloma. One lab in particular is always normal, but he keeps an eye on it. This time, it was elevated. It’s not extremely elevated, but still in the red. My Dr is overbooked, and I’m not feeling listened to very well.

I found a cancer center in Tampa that is #11 in the nation for cancer and immunology that can see me in 3 weeks. We are going down to see what they say for a 2nd opinion and probably changing Dr’s when I get back.

Ended out 2024 by turning 50 on December 29th. My husband had a surprise party for me that was so sweet.

There’s a lot of really cruddy things that happened in 2024 that make me glad to see it end.

I would be unfair if I didn’t cite the great things in 2024, which include relationships that have grown stronger with some family members. Especially my sister. We have grown closer this year. We have been in the trenches with this whole mess from moma all the way to my foot. She has hauled me all over the place. I’ve learned that my husband is more patient than I will ever be. I am so thankful for the bond I have with my granddaughter. I love spending time with her each week, even when my foot was messed up, and all we could do was lay around. I love seeing both my big and little kids doing what they love. It brings me happiness. It has kept me somewhat sane this year.

I hope there is less heartache and depression in 2025. I hope for more peace in my heart. I hope for more quality time with my family and friends. I hope for better quality of health, so I feel like doing more things. I hope for more traveling and more music. I hope for more energy.

✌️❤️😊